Not finding what you are looking for in What to Expect...? Well, we here at JBEG Inc are working on our own parenting manual sure to be a hit this holiday season. For instance, tonight one of the parents (not me) said to one of the kids (not me), in response to an endless stream of insufferable questions (demands) as to what was going to happen tomorrow (and I quote): "What is most likely to happen tomorrow is that I am going to take a huge S*** on your face." Yes, these and other sure-fire tips for fine-ass parenting will be yours in the JBEG Parenting Manual (patent pending).

Try as we might to track down the piece de resistance of American obesity, we could not purchase any deep fried fat. Yes, deep fried macaronic & cheese, deep fried mash potatoes, loaded nachos, deep fried ravioli, pork sandwiches as big as your head were ubiquitous. But no where could JBEG find deep fried lard on a stick. Still we braved the sun and the screaming and made the rounds with Bubbie and Papa (their first midwestern state fair ever!) to see the pregnant cows (Eli even tried milking one), the butter sculpture, the beautiful animals (J & B are pretty sure we are never eating meat again), the hucksters trying to fill Billy May's shoes, and B. had her yearly chat with the man from the maple producers. E & G went on enough rides to justify their wristbands until Gideon exited "Crazy Plane" dizzy and nauseous. B bravely did the free fall drop all by her lonesome (why is her family so chicken??) and then she followed in Gideon's vertiginous footsteps after the Yoyo with Eli. Oh, State Fair, why do you tempt us with your foul ways?